How does a surrogate navigate her emotional journey? Discover the little-spoken truth behind a surrogate's journey and how she can be mindful always.
A pregnant woman’s mindset is, “I am having a baby.” A pregnant surrogate thinks, “I am helping a family become complete.” While both are pregnant, a surrogate navigates a very different journey. It’s a beautiful one, because they are helping someone else to start or grow their family.
But, how do you navigate the emotional landscape of carrying someone else’s child?
The Mindful Surrogate
Being mindful is about being present, even when everything else may seem or feel complex. It’s about being able to build boxes around things and keep everything in its place. And it is about knowing that you are enabling soon-to-be parents to start their family.
You are doing a wonderful thing by being a surrogate. Being mindful means you are always aware of the little life growing inside you, but that the baby will go to his or her legal parents at birth.
Honor Your Emotions
One aspect of this amazing journey is the ongoing changes in your hormones during pregnancy. Never suppress your emotions. Rather, honor them. Feel them. Be present and mindful, and ride the waves that you experience. There are days when things may feel complex, but other times, you will see your journey clearly.
The Emotional and Physical Connection
There is a physical and emotional bond when carrying a baby. When you are a surrogate, you can consider the child to be like a niece or nephew. They go home to their parents at the end of the day, but you get to experience some aspects of their lives. It’s kind of the same feeling. It’s about taking pleasure in the trip but simultaneously removing oneself from it.
Having a baby develop inside your body gives you a physical connection as well. You care for the child and want to help it grow healthy and strong so that when it enters the world, it is perfectly developed and ready to meet its parents.
Having a Relationship With the Intended Parents
At the beginning of your surrogacy journey, the type of relationship and involvement from the intended parents would have been established. Knowing upfront what type of involvement the parents will have can also help you keep your focus healthy.
If you have both agreed to a certain amount of contact, there will always be someone with whom to share important milestones. Some surrogates become very close friends with the intended parents and have, at times, been asked to be the surrogate for another baby.
Just as you care for the baby throughout the surrogacy, the intended parents will, in some manner or form, be part of the surrogacy journey. This is modern parenthood at its best.
Have a Support System
Something you will need to manage is how your close circle reacts to the surrogacy. If you have kids, maybe explain what’s going on and how you’re providing a lovely gift to someone else. To prevent your children from feeling excluded or sad, let them participate in the experience.
If you have a partner or spouse, you would have discussed the surrogacy with them before starting on this venture. Turn to them. Rely on them. They are there to help you and make things easier for you.
Friends at work and strangers on the street may congratulate you. You can try to explain your surrogacy journey or simply thank them and be on your way. Decide early in the pregnancy what would work best for you.
After the Surrogacy
Something people don’t always speak about is the “after” stage. This is the part where your life resumes as it was before the surrogacy. It is a transitional stage. The time when you have parted from the baby, and perhaps the parents, and you have fulfilled your part in the journey, having given the gift of parenthood.
You may feel emotional at this point. After the intended parents have taken their child, you may experience some sadness, communicate with the parents less, and feel old routines seep back into your life. This is a normal feeling. However, you can better comprehend why you are feeling a little down if you are aware that it is a necessary part of the journey.
Some Great Tips for the Mindful Surrogate
Visualization works great. Think about the baby and the intended parents and the life they will have. You made that possible.
Celebrate the end of your surrogacy. Reward yourself after handing the baby to the intended parents. Go for a massage, have a pamper day, or do something special to mark the occasion.
Be prepared. Before the birth, establish communication boundaries with the intended parents. Clear expectations mean fewer frustrations.
Always remember the reasons why you became a surrogate. This will help to keep everything in perspective.
Conclusion
You are in charge of your emotional journey as you are a mindful surrogate. It means honoring your journey and your destiny with graceful acceptance. Surrogacy can help change the lives of another couple, and the fact that you traveled this road is one you can hold onto forever.
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